Lost in Bergen
December 2022, I moved to Bergen. Never in my life has a place made me feel as lost as the city of Bergen did. This city contained everything I was and everything I was not.
Bergen sparked the highest magic and the deepest suffering into my journey.
I walked around searching for myself. Nowhere was I to be found.
I find myself trapped in a city way too small. All things pressed closely together - the people, the houses - all lying in a valley, closed in by mountains. I was in love with the fresh air from the great bodies of water that you find allover, but still felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was walking around – highly overstimulated. Sometimes, all I could see weren’t humans – but just walking streams of energy – containing a Soul and a subconscious.
Paradoxically, I couldn’t help but being absolutely and completely in love with Bergen. I felt charmed by honestly the weirdest and loveliest place I had been to.
When I met my ex, I opened a door to another world. A world of connectedness, free-flow and art. A musical world. A world of stick-and-poke tattoos, cigarettes and alcohol. A world with endless hugs and coziness. A world where one was welcome, to just be. A world where people hanged around bars, talking life, jokes and artistic projects. I felt I walked into a dream. A dream that wasn’t mine – and that I would’ve never stumbled into – if it weren’t for my ex.
The unhealthy lifestyle and the group-atmosphere were two reasons I would have never ended up in this wholesome, yet soul-aching space. I followed the flow of life, enjoying the lovely people, the music and the artistic vibes. But all along, I suppressed that which was starving my Soul. I was surrounded by people who weren’t taking care of their beautiful bodies – and I could hear their Souls, longing for attention and care.
I think I loved every single human being within this community. They were all so beautiful, in their unique ways. And the more I love, the more empathic I become. My Soul was starving bit by bit, as I hanged around these spaces.
My ex felt like Home. I had never flowed so easily with another Soul. I used to say that he “puts me in my own energy”. When I was showering at home after the first night we had sex, I couldn’t help but feeling something deeply spiritual within him. Something that somehow, was going to bring out something deeply spiritual within me. Little did I know, that this was a past lifetime lover, a member of my Soul family – and this person was going to trigger the grandest stage of my spiritual awakening.
After seven magical months, the relationship abruptly ended. Just as it was written in the stars that we were meant to be together, we were never meant to stay together. Not in this lifetime, not in this moment.
So now it was time, to start feeling more lost than ever. Imagine feeling lost in life and lost in the city you live in, but you have one person to hold on to. One person that feels like Home, on a Soul-deep-level. Suddenly, this crashes. I was strong in the beginning, but the suffering smashed me in the face soon enough.
I started to explore other places and people. I ended up in different crowds - again was I surrounded by lots of creativity, art and music that sparkled my Soul. I found a few, very lovely friends to spend magical moments with. But man, never could I find a steady ground. Everyone seemed to have a community – seemed to have found their way in this weird little place called Bergen. For me, it just felt like a valley, blending 5234 different things in one pot.
Where were the adventurers, the freedom-seekers, the lone wolfs, breaking loose from group conditioning, forging their own path in life? Where were the people that were…like me?
I had a push and pull relationship with the city. I was pulled towards the arts, the coziness, the projects, the music, the beauty and cuteness. Oh, don’t even get me started on how majestically cute Bergen is. I could stroll forever through the cobblestoned streets and the colored houses. Was I in a fairytale? It really was a fairytale for my artistic self. But for my free-Spirited Soul? Get me the freak out of here, please.
But I didn’t know where to go…
All my life, I’ve felt that I was different. On a deep, existential level. Living in a city with many people who expressed themselves in unique ways – but somehow could connect to each other - only intensified how alien I felt inside. The inner insecurities and confusions about my personality were magnified. I didn’t know who I was anymore and experienced many ego-deaths. It was not a joke, no fun. It was deep, dark, confusing and heavy. I was lost.
Luckily, I experience life as an infinite, wondrous artistic masterpiece. And even in the darkest of times, I could feel the magic.
Because of the past life history with my ex’s Soul, our breakup started to awaken me even deeper to my Soul and my wounded subconscious. Meanwhile, it became clearer to me why I was remembering my past lifetimes as a witch. The complex interplay of karmic patterns started to gain structure. I started to connect all the dots - why everything happened the way it did, what I had to learn and what I had to heal.
And so, I made a decision. I decided that I was done with being overstimulated. I didn’t care what my dopamine-seeking brain wanted; peace was going to be priority. And so, I retreated. I made changes in my lifestyle and I dived into my introverted side. I started meditating longer and longer…and longer. I started to awaken even more. But this time, I was waking up from my suffering.
In June 2024, I made a backpacking trip to Lofoten. Even though I originally planned to go to a festival, my Soul was screaming: “Lisa, you HAVE TO be alone!”. As I had committed myself to stop living from the mind and to follow my intuition regardless, I listened to the scream.
Alone I arrived in a place, that I didn’t know I longed for.
The roads where wide open. Even though there where majestic mountains, the sky was widely visible. I saw birds I had never seen before. The views were immaculate. People with backpacks, video cameras and mountain bikes were passing by. I rested myself on a platform in front of a lake when… my Soul started to speak. Unexpectedly, I knew where to move to. I knew where the next chapter of my journey would take place.
As I was backpacking by myself and taking busses to different places – I felt a part of myself emerging that I hadn’t felt in way too long: me as a traveler. Me as an explorer, on an unknown journey. I began to feel a sensation I had been longing for desperately for the past one and a half year: freedom.
Night two of the trip got very intense. As I was relaxing in my tent after a long hike, I suddenly started to feel like I was waking up from this rollercoaster dream called Bergen. It literally felt like I had been on an intense psychedelic trip for the past two years and half. Now I was sobering up. I could not believe what had happened - the changes I had been through – both in my inner and external journey.
I started to truly realize something – that no matter how hard I tried to live an easy life – I could not deny this very fact. I wrote it down in my phone notes: “Lisa, you have to accept it, you are on a spiritual awakening journey. There is no way around it. You have to surrender. You have to surrender.”
Maybe you can tell, but this was not the most comfortable backpacking trip. It wasn’t really about backpacking either.
Within that week, a new road had been revealed to me: A road to Freedom. As I am writing this at 4am on the 7th of February 2025 from my room in Lofoten, it’s safe to say that walking this road, is going pretty damn good.
I hope this article inspires you to surrender to the unknown, accept the lessons that life is trying to teach you and always – always - follow your intuition.
Much Love,
Lisa <3
